I haven't really written a serious and a dramatic post about myself for a wee months now except for my monthly instagram updates. So what's up with me lately? I don't know if you'll bother to know what's going on with my life but I don't give a crap, i'm writing it anyway. *grins* First, I'm giddy and hoping for the coming days. I'm hoping that I'm gonna get in at ******* because I know it will be the first step towards the reality of my dreams. *crosses fingers* Second, I'm still in the pursuit of finding what really makes me happy. Well, I didn't say that I'm not happy right now because I'm happy with a lot of things especially small things and small gestures. What I mean is, I'm still on a journey of knowing my purpose in this world. I know big things are waiting for me in the coming days/months/years and I know I will be a connoisseur of my own purpose. I have a lot to give and I'm stronger now than I was before. Third, I have a lot of things that I want and a lot of things in mind but I'm still thankful and blessed for the things that I have right now. Note: Never fail to give thanks to our creator everyday. Fourth, I'm grabbing all the opportunity to have a peace of mind every waking hours of my life. I need to have all the positive thoughts and energy that I can get. Yay for good life. :) Fifth, I'm still single. Hahaha. That's it about my life right now. And ohh, thank you to my cousin for taking those two awesome portrait of me at the beach. Still taken with my phone. Ha! Avoir une bonne journée! Ohh yes I'm learning french. :)

I won't always have the right choices or have all the answer. I will make mistakes and life goes on. That is all I need to know.

P.S: I miss reading books. :(

Sometimes it's okay to look back just to remind yourself how stronger you are now than you were before.

What is Instagram? Instagram is a photo&video app for ios. It says, "a fun & quirky way to share your life with friends through a series of pictures. Snap a photo, then choose a filter to transform the look and feel of the shot into a memory to keep around forever." I don't know if it is also available for android and blackberry phones. I enjoyed this app more since I can follow people who are in to #iPhonegraphy. You can download instagram here. Okay, why am I endorsing this? Haha. I'll make it a point to post all my phone captured photos here in my blog every end of the month since I don't usually carry my dslr with me.
Warning: Emotional entry!

January 1
- (1) Mcdonalds fries. My parents left me and my lil' sister at Mcdonalds because they went to the casino. Urgh they welcomed the new year through gambling. tsk.
January 7
- (3) California Maki. Had an early dinner with mom and lil' sister at Tempura.
- (2) I planned on sleeping at the sofa just because I kept on remembering day 26.
January 8
- (4) Mocha Slush. Late lunch still with mom and lil' sister at Dessert Factory.
- Late night, we went to SRP to ride the rides. Heck! I won't ride that roller coaster and ferris wheel again. Those rides gave me a terrible headache, and a wave of nausea and syncope.
January 15
- (5) My crappy henna tattoo during Sinulog.
- I wasn't planning on going out that day but I was adamant on getting drunk so I went out with some unexpected company.
January 20
- (6) I was bored so I took that picture from our laptop.
- Well, not really bored because I was crying hard. Betrayal sucks!
January 22
- (7) Hello Kitty iPhone case.
- I bought my iPhone. I was super happy. Funny that I bought the case first before my phone. Haha. I'm so broke right now.
January 24
- (8) Caramel Creme at Gelatissimo.
- (9) Coffee Caramel Frappuccino at Starbucks. My fave!
- (10) Boy on a lollipop. Uhh no. A lollipop shaped like a boy.
- You have no idea how pissed I am on that day but I'm not gonna talk about it.
January 25
- (11) Shian Klarice Reambonanza. An angel who made me smile.
- I look horrible that day. I was crying real hard because I/we discovered something that we are on denial before. And we had a shoot for an online shop and I haven't had the energy to hold my camera so I let my friend do the job.
January 28
- (12) Cookies & Cream Cake at Dessert Factory.
- (13) Underworld tickets. First time on IMAX and I've got to say "wow!" on the movie and on the theater.
- Early morning, that was a mistake but I won't ever regret it. Why? Because I poured my heart and also my soul on it. It was one of the best feeling I had so far. I was spellbound! That memory took my breath away. But I don't know if it will happen again.
- Lunch till afternoon, me and my siblings had a serious talk with Dad. He told us everything (life changing revelations). It felt like I was slapped real hard on the face for the first time. After the talk, I felt numb. I was expecting to cry but the tears just won't fall. I wanted to scream (well, not with all the people around us) but I just kept my mouth shut. Maybe I was not functioning properly because I only had a few hours of sleep. Ha! Long gone my innocent days. Hello cruel reality!
January 29
- (14) Mogu-Mogu Strawberry drink. New fave!
- (15) First driving lesson. And I learned that I won't ever let my Dad teach me again. Ever. Who wants to be yelled at every move you make anyway?
- (16) I miss you. The worst part is, you're not even mine to miss.
January 31
- (17) Mocha Fudge Cream at S&R. Had a heavy lunch (chicken w/ rice, huge size one slice pizza, french fries and two large ice tea drinks) with my aunt. It was my first time at S&R and I went giddy when I found out that they sell Ben&Jerry and Haagen Dazs Ice Cream. Yay!
- (18) Free jollibee dinner. I went with my other aunt to see her practice her speech with two of her mentors for the upcoming Toastmaster's event.
- (19) Late snacks at Mcdonalds. Large fries and iced mocha coffee.
- I was pissed a wee hours before we went home with my Dad. Then, me and my lil' brother went to my Lola's house to talk about things and we ended up crying. I didn't went home. I just broke down and decided to lock myself at my aunt's room before. I haven't slept until 7am. I welcomed the first day of February with a huge eye bags. So epic!

» Gaaaaah! I'll make a mental note to really buy a daily planner/journal next year because I'm still using my old notebook. I started writing my daily memories just last October 08, 2011. And I'll immediately start my budget planning when I get my next job albeit I don't normally spend that much on things. Anyway, my life seems to suck right now. I'm starting to worry about my mom. She's not eating well. She only consumes a huge amount of liquids particularly gatorade. Urgh. And she lost a lot of weight lately. Haaaay what will I do with you? But I can't afford to breakdown again because I need to be strong to look out for my siblings and my mom. And honestly speaking, I couldn't call our house a home anymore. Haaaaaaay. Sorry.

» You have no idea how I badly long to have someone to hold me and to tell me that everything will be alright. Haaaay but for now, maybe, I should kiss my chance at love goodbye? I just realized that I love myself less now because of the happenings. I have nothing to give right now. I don't want to be selfish. Huhu. :( I only feel better when I'm with my friends, when I'm reading a book and when I'm praying. I still have a lot to learn from life and a lot of growing up to do. Help me God. "Each day, I lose pieces of myself. I tried my best and held on till there was no more but what feels like slipping sand between my fingers."

» Sorry for the rants.

What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book, and a cup of coffee?...Was ever anything so civil? - Anthony Trollope

» Ohh I love coffee but unfortunately, they trigger my migraine and sinusitis. Tragic right? Hmm .. But I couldn't care less because it will always be worth it! Yay! Care to have a coffee date with me? Anyone?

It's almost Christmas and 2012 is fast approaching. For the upcoming years, I want to become a better person. To make a change, if not for everyone but at least for me. I've learned a lot from this year. I've grown a lot and changed the way I view things. I also changed my goals in life. So here it goes:

Right now, all I want is a job. I finished my contract at NSO and my one year experience at NS. I don't know yet my ideal job because I'm a fickle minded person (Ha!) but I'm desperate to work again.
Save. Save. Save. And save some more.
Always be thankful for the things that I have.
Dream big. I want to live in Paris, France and to travel the world.
To be good in photography and post-processing skills.
Technologies that I've been lusting for a wee months/years now. Lol.
To learn and read more books.

That's all I have for now. I kind of find it mature than my previous goals in life. It's frightening yet exciting to think that we are growing day by day. And I'm very grateful for the things that I have in life. Thank you Lord! I love you God bless everyone!